“Kikka’s well preserved secret – the making of Dave and Granny’s champion marmalade”
Roll up! Roooll up, Ladies and Gentleman, Grandsons and Grannies! It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for – the revelation of the top secret processes behind Dave and Granny’s show-stopping blue ribbon marmalade.
The kumquats have been picked and gone through Dave and Granny’s rigorous quality assurance processes. They are now ready to be made into the famous sweet and sour culinary delight.
At a spritely 87, Phyllis has this recipe down to a fine art. She’s been making this marmalade ever since Dave was just a boy. Not much has changed since then – Dave still isn’t allowed near the stove without Granny’s supervision.
Under a subtle threat of violence, Granny has instructed us not to reveal certain sections of this process. The key details of this recipe haven’t made it into the hands of her competitors, and she intends to keep it that way.
1. Throw down the newspapers, because we’re about to get messy! Cut up the kumquats into thin slices on any nearby flat surface, like Granny’s dinner table.
Granny’s smiling because she just read a funny Calvin and Hobbes comic in the paper
2. Now soak the thin slices of kumquat in a bowl of water for about
3. Place the soaked kumquat slices into a ceramic pot that’s been in your family for no less than 3 generations, and cook the fruit for not a minute longer than so it’s nice and soft. Then add “heaps” of sugar, lemon juice, and continue to cook until it takes on a gel-like consistency.
At this point, it is mandatory to take a terrible selfie. Back in Granny’s day she would sit for an oil painting.
4. At this point, the secret ingredient comes into play. (As I’m typing this, Granny is standing above me wielding a wooden spoon. She has politely asked me to leave this section blank.)
5. After an undisclosed amount of time, we are ready to taste test!
This batch receives a perfect 10 from the judges, yet again
6. Place in jars whilst still piping hot, and let sit.
7. Find your nearest Granny and nicely ask her to hand make over 20 labels.
Granny opts not to use the inkjet printer
8. Win Blue Ribbon.
As simple as that! Now pose for the press.
And that’s it, the secret’s out – well, as much as Granny would allow. Now you can make your very own show-stopping Marmalade at home. But beware, if you dare enter your own spread at Perth Royal Show… Granny’s gloves will be coming off.
Join us next week for another exciting instalment of Dave and Granny’s Road to The Royal Show!